See You Next Wednesday
If you donate blood to the Red Cross are amounts over two dollars tax deductible?
I rang Layne to see if she had made any progress on the mystery task. Layne wasn't in but Dame Judy Dench told me it was being included and thanked me for bringing it to their attention. Then she asked for details of the mystery task. The information I had on the mystery task was Li Yung wanted it to happen and, by reckless inference, I believed such a task existed. I could not provide the information required.
Danger Mouse asked me to do something for him while he was away. All I had to do was wait for a resource to become available and then request a set of tasks to be executed in a certain order. Unfortunately the resource did not become available. On enquiry I discovered part of the resource was available and the available part was sufficient for the tasks to be executed. Unfortunately upon requesting the first task to be executed I was told no such task existed. On enquiry I discovered none of the tasks had been created. (Just as well the resource wasn't available.) The tasks were now urgent and required an urgent work request. The urgent work request asked for details of the urgent work. The information I had on the urgent work was Danger Mouse wanted it to happen and, by cautious inference, although such work did not exist I believed it could be created. I could not provide the information required.
It would be Kermit's job to make this thing happen, if only I knew what this thing was, so I hoped he was the proud owner of a clue. Fortunately he was and kindly sent me a useful document alleged to contain the information I needed to complete the urgent work request. Amongst the battery of questions the urgent work request asked for a 'release date' and a 'run date' which were different dates. The useful document provided a 'software installation date' and a 'run date' which were the same date. My fellow basket weavers provided the final piece of the puzzle: the 'release date' and the 'software installation date' were two names for the same thing. I sent the urgent work request to Kermit.
Meanwhile Green Lantern had created the tasks and executed them using another resource.
Kermit created the urgent work and called me to ask what was supposed to happen between the urgent tasks to differentiate them from being one task. The information I had on the urgent tasks was Danger Mouse wanted them to happen and, in fact, I believed such tasks existed. I could not provide the information required. I ignored it and the problem went away. It's not supposed to work that way.
There was a task which nobody was taking responsibility for. I was given the responsibility to determine who was responsible for the task nobody was taking responsibility for. I was directed to do this by asking everybody which tasks they were responsible for. Remarkably, nobody claimed responsibility for the task nobody was taking responsibility for.
Learning curve: L(t) = t / (4 - [3]½)
On Thursday Yu Lung called in sick. He asked me to make sure the data conversion for sixteen million* records was going to happen. This thing was new to me in every aspect. Betty Lou, who could enlighten me, is away until Wednesday. I recruited some fellow basket weavers to my witlessness and after they said "the, umm, you know..." and "yes" to each other a few times (without revealing to me what it was they both knew) I passed the request on to Layne Beachley. It would be Layne's job to make this thing happen, if only I knew what this thing was, so I hoped she was the proud owner of a clue. Unfortunately Layne is as new to her job as I am to mine and had exactly the same number of clues about this thing as I did. Then we all went home for the long weekend... I have an exciting job.
* Yes, really sixteen million.
Sleep until June.
Nothing else fiscal may happen until next financial year. I shall be unpacking the remaining boxes to shift my diversionary allocation to the asset schedule instead of the current account. This development will necessarily be contemporary with an environmental reorganisation to facilitate the new creative recreational paradigm. This schedule is constrained by the current demands on my time and a property inspection due 29 April.
Crowd pleasure.
James was ill and Linda didn't want to so only Simon and I went to Sydney on Friday. We stayed with Andrew and Anna and met Ben, John, Katie, Marija, Paul and Ryan. Then we made a film.
Andrew had asked everybody to help him make a film from concept to premiere in twenty-four hours. It started at half past seven on Friday (shortly before Simon and I arrived) with a brainstorm over dinner, which was being recorded, and the concept of a failed reality television programme emerged. Then we set about trying to record boring dinner table conversations however the improvisation tended to cause gales of laughter so the concept evolved into a parody of a reality television programme. Of course, as soon as we deliberately tried to be funny it wasn't interesting, but actually we had enough material to build on from when we were being boring so that wasn't a problem.
Three cameras had produced nearly four hours of recorded material, including a road trip. This all had to be logged for editing and by five o'clock on Saturday morning the last of the not-Andrew said goodnight and left him to start transferring it to the computer. As Saturday elapsed some scenes to round out the production were arranged (including a cushion fort) and despite absenteeism and limited time restricting our options Andrew was talking about forty-five or fifty minutes for the final product (up from estimates of three to five minutes at the dinner table). But then the editing software starting failing and the rest of the day was a hard slog for the technically competent while the rest of us who didn't have homes to go to had a dozy engagement with
Tropfest 2003,
Futurama, and
Porco Rosso.
At half past seven on Saturday the remaining five participants ordered pizza and crowded into the office to watch the result of the twenty-four hour film challenge. We laughed, but then we knew all about it. An unsympathetic audience might not have been as tolerant of the unrefined pussy*. Even so it was an amazing result for only twenty-four hours and
Final Cut Judas. Best of all, it was exceedingly good fun.
On Sunday, Simon and I went to a
geekfest. I spent most of my time at the guest seminars. Now I want to
be an actor,
draw a comic and
write a novel. Also, I realise that if I immediately launch into an intensive schedule I might get a lucky break and achieve one of these goals before I'm fifty.
*How Paul pronounces the word usually spelt "footage".
Slow news day.
If I hadn't seen it myself I might not have believed this made it onto national television as a serious piece of journalism. Pay attention, there will be a quiz at the end.
Questioning the Iraqi leader's failure to appear in public is a deliberate coalition strategy to goad him into making a public appearance and expose himself to direct attack.
Quiz:
1. How stupid would Saddam Hussein have to be to fall for their ruse?
2. How stupid would the coalition have to be to believe Saddam Hussein would fall for their ruse?
3. How stupid would the coalition have to be to publicise their ruse?
4. How stupid would the news service have to be to believe the coalition is that stupid?
5. How stupid does the news service think their audience is to believe any of the above?
Less ill.
I have learned two things today. When someone says "I don't know what that means", and you are in a position to explain what it means, the first thing you should say is "Would you like me to explain what it means?". This will give them an opportunity to say "No, thank you" because sometimes, ironically, it is just for your information.
The second thing I learned today is hipster pants are the new red and midriff tops are the new green. In fact midriff tops are the new lime green. Inauspiciously, cleavage is the new black, but really you should wear something more radical.
