See You Next Wednesday
Wednesday, November 3
Still busy, but more organized.

Simon is back from Western Europe with a tan, a bunch of anecdotes and more digital photographs than he can fit on his hard drive. He’s also back at work, poor guy.

Next Week For Sure thoroughly lost two games of netball. The referee admitted she didn’t know how to play and was just filling in because the real referee hadn’t shown up for work. Our opponents, both times, also claimed ignorance and took the opportunity to play basketball against us. While they didn’t actually dribble the ball they did everything else that distinguishes the two games. This week’s lesson: if someone stands on your foot and elbows you in the head the referee may still call the contact against you; so cope.

Having hijacked the Canberra Dungeons and Dragons Meetup Group to Shanghai Emma onto the Monday night crew I bothered to go to the first game session of the Canberra Roleplayers Meetup Group on Saturday. James had attached us to the ANU Roleplaying Society monthly session so we could use their rooms and eat their lunch, which was good. Six members of the group came and went during the day and we managed to produce a group of characters to accompany a cartload of wine halfway back to town and pick up a suspected lycanthrope along the way. I think James let some outrageous behaviour pass unmolested by the tools at his disposal. Perhaps he was being lenient to meet his undertaking of no combat in the first session, but as he also gave out scant experience points we may be getting our comeuppance next time.

On Sunday, Jonathan was ill having caught Glen’s "hayfever" so those pesky kids from Melanie Inker High School didn’t have to traipse around Arkham’s spookiest locations with a criminal, a coven of goths and a suspected robot without Trudi’s rock chick to save their fannies. Jeepers, that was a close shave! Get well soon, Jon. (Which he did.)

Simon joined in Dave’s Monday game, filling in for an absent Ian. Womp’s Seven overwhelmed a boatload of mariners from The Salted Wound who were investigating our intrusion at their Forlorn Beach rendezvous. A short interrogation of the captives revealed we were up against Captain Stormwater and her smuggling outfit. With retreat cut off by a bushfire we set about securing the smuggler’s den in preparation for their full scale assault, and saved an unfortunate cleric from the clutches of an evil necromancer and his undead minions, which was nice. Next week: Simon’s cleric joins the crew.

Book Meme

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal...
5. ...along with these instructions.

"Access to Centrelink services is a key issue for all Centrelink customers."
- Future Directions 2003-2005

I couldn’t actually see a book from my desk at work. On my desk are about six reams of paper, but no books. As I looked around and opened drawers, the first two books I found had fewer than five sentences on page twenty-three. I recalled the rooms my parents worked in had bookshelves within reach of the desk. Actual shelves full of books with spines; not authorless corporate pamphlets printed on glossy paper in fonts designed for computer screens and bound with staples. I think memetic drift (the random variation in frequency of cultural elements from one generation to another) is a valid extrapolation.

Hilarity fails to ensue.

Over at The Muppet Show, Kermit the Frog asked Gonzo the Great for a rundown of his act. A week later Gonzo told Kermit he needed a thirty minute slot and it would be ready in a week. Two weeks later Scooter asked Kermit whether Gonzo was planning to do an act. A week after that Kermit posted the program with Gonzo’s act listed as "The Amazing Chicken Act (to be confirmed)". Scooter advised Kermit The Amazing Chicken Act is only five minutes long, it is illegal, and Gonzo was away visiting his mother. Kermit posted a new program with Gonzo’s act listed as "to be confirmed".

A week later Kermit went on leave and Fozzie Bear posted a new program with Gonzo’s act listed as "Half an Hour of Hen-based Hook-nosed Hilarity". Advertisements were also printed and distributed. At the first rehearsal the chickens didn’t turn up and Fozzie had a note from Gonzo asking Fozzie to act as stand in at the technical run through. Now Fozzie wants to do The Amazing Chicken Act, avoid the legal problems by removing the chickens, and pad it out to fifteen minutes with his own material.

I wish he had just said he wanted to do two sets at the start. Those advertisements cost money.

Unfunnier still.

Doctor Julius Strangepork wants to zap Statler and Waldorf with a rejuvenating ray gun. First Mate Piggy and Captain Link Hogthrob think this would be hilarious. However Doctor Bunsen Honeydew, who invented the gun, wants an environmental impact statement and veto on the script before he will release the prop. Also, nobody is preparing the special effects because they all think the rejuvenating ray gun is real (except Honeydew, who doesn’t want people to know it isn’t).
Lenient? Y'all just wasting time, not my fault. All this 'character development' which I actually really appreciate, because it makes things so much meaningful. So there. Many tools, just waiting to be used!
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This may not sound like the snappiest line from 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968), but it evidently caught the imagination of John Landis, who has worked references to a mythical film of this name into most of his own movies - memorably as the grotty British skinflick watched by an assortment of lycanthropes and zombies in the climax of An American Werewolf in Paris [sic] (1981). Ghastly Beyond Belief, Neil Gaiman and Kim Newman

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Location: Canberra, Australian Capital Territory, Australia

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