See You Next Wednesday
Sunday, April 9
 
Why I love the internet.

May I surf the internet, please?

First you must choose a 'profile'. Please create a new profile or select a profile from this list: 'Default'.

I don't want to choose a profile now, I want to surf the internet. I shall cancel this interruption.

Now may I surf the internet, please?

First you must choose a 'profile'. Please create a new profile or select a profile from this list: 'Default'.

It seems this profile thing has become compulsory so I shall select 'Default'.

Default profile is not available. Please create a new profile or select a profile from this list: 'Default'.

Two out of three options do not allow me to surf the internet. I shall try the third option a create a new profile.

Please select the account you wish to create a profile for from this list: 'chris', 'emma', 'kate', 'linda'.

You make it sound like I want to do this. All I want to do is surf the internet. This profile stuff was your idea. I can guess where cancel will get me, so I will select 'chris'.

To create a new profile you need to upgrade to the latest version of this software. Do you want to download the latest version of this software now?

No, I want to surf the internet now. However, I have learned surfing the internet is not an option unless I comply with your demands, so I shall download the latest version of this software.

Do you want to install the latest version of this software now?

No, actually. This has taken too long. I just wanted to check my mail but now I have to go and play volleyball.

[One 20-63 thrashing for Next Week For Sure, with bonus spiking lesson, later.]

May I surf the internet, please?

First you must choose a 'profile'. Please create a new profile or select a profile from this list: 'Default'.

Bonjour, Madame Guillotine. I shall cut to the chase; install the update.

To maintain the facade of choice I shall ask for permission to restart the computer.

Why not? What could possibly go wrong?

May I surf the internet, please?

First you must choose a 'profile'. Please create a new profile or select a profile from this list: 'Default'.

One new profile, please.

Please select the account you wish to create a profile for from this list: 'chris', 'emma', 'kate', 'linda'.

Umm... 'chris'!

There you go, all done. Here is the internet you requested, and here is an advertisement called a help page. (It doesn't provide you with any help, it gives you links to features you will need help with.)

Okay, thank you. Please open my home page.

This is your home page.

Ooh, you have made your 'help page' my home page. Clever and annoying. That's the sort of feature which makes me want to not use your application. Fortunately this has happened to me before and I have bookmarked my home page.

Unfortunately your bookmarks are not part of the profile you were required (I mean chose) to create just now.

Quel suprise! I didn't expect to find my bookmarks in the bookmarks menu. I expect I shall have to search through the file directory and copy my old bookmark file into this new profile you have forced upon me.

Oh no. My mischief has been foiled. I shall have to fall back to plan B.

Is that where your help file doesn't have an index entry for restoring old bookmarks? Then, when the information is located it refers to a subdirectory which doesn't exist? Then, when the correct directory is located the text which needs to be edited doesn't appear anywhere in the file?

Maybe... Actually the file name is wrong too.

It's a good plan. But I think I'll just try to recall the useful web sites and bookmark them again. If I can't remember one then it probably wasn't important. Let's see, I'll bookmark Blogger and...

I'm scoring this one as a draw.
 
Comments:
Woo, that's spam there!

What web browser are you using?!? Is this at work? Gaving is growing skillz, he can help. Gaving and I have techno mojo, but it's best with the machine within our presense.

Also, the reason the profile broke, is a lock file. Once deleted, all would be restored to normality. anything else is your own problem.
 
It is you who are spam; bragging mojo and spouting outcontexted mumbo jargon. If you know, why do you ask? Hmm? Read: game over. Also, profile is not broke, always was normal crisitunity.
 
Damn that rap music, geeze!

I don't know. I'm asking, nuhhh.
 
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This may not sound like the snappiest line from 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968), but it evidently caught the imagination of John Landis, who has worked references to a mythical film of this name into most of his own movies - memorably as the grotty British skinflick watched by an assortment of lycanthropes and zombies in the climax of An American Werewolf in Paris [sic] (1981). Ghastly Beyond Belief, Neil Gaiman and Kim Newman

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